Who am I?

"It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are." ~e.e.cummings

Can you believe a poet actually challenged us to grow up? What exactly does that entail? Is it painful? How will I know when I have become who I really am?

Surprise birthday party Jan 1988. Seoul, S. Korea

How funny that I all but tripped over this quote as I was going about writing my oh-so-poignant critical essay. I stopped in my tracks and pondered the fact that this poet was a grown-up who believed he was who he really is. Not who he should be, but who he IS. I catch myself giggling in my head as I remember being taught that Cummings was vulgar and not worth reading. How impoverished my education had been. Had he not been who he really is, I would not be who I really am. This leads me to consider a friend and his comment about walking a tight rope between convincing adults that we are old while coddling ourselves into believing that we are still young. Pretty tough to walk that line, don't ya think? I'd like to say I feel as though I am still 16 years old, but as this friend once pointed out: we were young, but we were also so very stupid. I like to think that I have taken chances, and that I cherish my scars that led to my edification. Hmmm, that smacks of “rejoicing in your trials.” Yuck!

The KEDI gang 1987. Seoul, S. Korea

I would like to think my life has been rich. I have taken chances that have helped me to savor so much in life. I would also like to think that those life-gambles have made me all the more worth knowing. Although I may not be as accomplished as I would like, I know I have lived a full life, enriched with experiences I would never give up—experiences that make me who I am and how I think. That gives me the confidence to be me without apologies. Of course, I am still trying to develop and nurture this poise, so please forgive my inevitable declarations of, “I’m sorry.” I am human, you know.  After all, we are divine beings experiencing this earthly life. What would we be if we were not covered in scars, wrinkles, and peanut butter and jelly???

"Once we believe in ourselves, we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight, or any experience that reveals the human spirit." ~e.e.cummings